If Love is Really Real
by Hellsy18
Summary: Amy is the outcast amongst her peers. She doesn’t go to parties, she doesn’t have many friends. Her whole life revolves around her studies. But she has one passion, one addiction. She is obsessed with none other then Kallan Potter the “it” boy of Hogwarts
1. Chapter 1

I woke up to the sun sparkling through the window in a dazzling blanket of warm light. In my sleepy state everything felt perfect; brilliant. School holidays were finished and I was going back to face my final year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The anticipation was eating me up from the inside for many reasons. Firstly, after this year I would never have to look at another textbook ever again. Secondly, I will be able to start living my dreams and ambitions, and thirdly I will get to be close to him for another golden year.

I jumped out of my soft bed cheerfully, spinning with joy. Stumbling to a halt (still grinning) I held on to the smooth windowsill looking through the clear glass at the canvas of green. It was so beautiful. As always. My mother lived just outside London in a small cottage-like house. The location was practically secluded and I found it magically endearing. It was vibrant all around. The fruity, colourful flowers were like a rainbow on the walls. The smell was almost velvet, oozing both outside and in. I spend my whole childhood in this house. It was my favourite place in the world. It made me comfortable and I could truly be myself here.

I'm a witch, like my mother. My father is a muggle. How it worked out for them in the first place I have yet to discover. My parents are two very different people. My dad is a big shot layer who values only the material things in life. There are only two exceptions to that rule and that's me and my gran. Mum probably belonged to the list, but after their divorce he failed to acknowledge her existence. No matter what my father maybe though, he still cares for me so I never gave him a hard time about his attitude towards mum. My mother, unlike my poised father, is an eccentric child. Sometime I feel like I'm the parent in our relationship. She is fun and bubbly. There are times when I wish I was more like her. She writes novels. Not very good ones, but I still encourage her. All I want is for her to be happy. She is like my best friend.

All-in-all I still don't know the exact reason for my parents split up. They never talk about it and whenever I try to find out they tell me off for prying. The fact that my dad and my mum don't associate doesn't bother me anymore. Well, I try not to let it bother me. They had separated before I was even born. I never knew what it was like to have a family where both your parents lived in the same household. When I was little I did wish that they would get back together, so that I could have a normal family. But my wish was never granted and now I'm old enough to not wish for it at all.

I looked around my room just to memorise it. It was like a ritual, I did it every year. My soft, blue, pastel walls were covered with paintings and posters of my favourite bands. My big sofa chair was standing in the corner filled with soft toys I never dared to part with, all perfectly arranged. My desk was messed up with books and parchment. The space was cluttered but still somehow bright and airy. I breathed in the warm smell enjoying its familiarity, felling a bit sad all of a sudden. I suppressed the felling and made my way out into the corridor. I was trying my hardest to not get emotional. I knew that I wasn't going to live here after I finished school, that's why saying goodbye was so much harder this year around.

Switching back to my happy mode I all but skipped to the bathroom. Leaning on the sink I stared at my grinning reflection through the round Victorian mirror. My eye shone. They were a deep blue and complimented perfectly with my dark chestnut straight hair and heart shaped face. That's the only mystery I had. My eyes. Both my parents eyes were brown, so as my grandparents. I was the only one with blue eyes. My mum called me her special blue eyed angel when I was little. I smiled at the memory. With a quick shower, I brushed my teeth and pulled my long hair into a ponytail. Getting dressed into a simple blue vest top, skinny dark blue jeans and a grey cardigan I went downstairs for breakfast.

My mother was strangely enough - awake, attempting to fry some eggs. She never got up early, her number one hobby was to sleep. I watched her cook with entertainment, she was never a fan of the task. Her hair was all messy, pulled up in a curly bun. She was standing her back to me wearing a lime green robe. My mother is a very beautiful and young woman. She has a freckled chubby face with glossy, curly, strawberry locks. She had me when she was nineteen and I think having me made her give up some of her youth.

"Your up early, today" I said surprised.

"I can say the same for you. I haven't finished making anything yet" She was fussing all over the kitchen. Every counter was covered in eggshells, flour and many other things I didn't want to identify.

"Mum I always wake up at this time" I sat down on the stool folding my hand across my chest watching my lovable mother with amusement.

"I know" she said sounding like a child.

"So what's your excuse" I questioned, taking a sip of my orange juice.

"Well I have to make sure that I see my favourite daughter of in a perfect manner. I won't see you for another year." She was almost weeping. I had to role my eyes.

"I'm your only daughter. This is my last year. And you can always come to dads for Christmas"

She didn't answer just looked at me as if I said something completely outrageous. Dad was a taboo subject in this household. If I think about it I never seen them in the same room as far as I can remember. Mum didn't say anything as if trying to punish me with her silence. I could see it was making her uncomfortable though. I smiled to myself and like I suspected she went on with the conversation unable to keep quiet anymore.

"That's the only thing that gets me through knowing that in a year you will be finished with you education and back home where you belong" My mum always believed that after I finish school I would live with her in "isolation and peace" as she put it.

But I had ambitions I wanted to become a healer. Children's healer. I loved kids, and I loved helping people. I tried so very hard to achieve my dream. I never went to any parties or clubs. Nothing which would have distracted me. I was never invited regardless. I'm not very popular quite the opposite actually. I don't have many friends and never had a boyfriend. I am what they call a social freak. Its been always hard for me to get along with people. So instead I concentrated on what I'm good at; study and homework.

Me and mum had this conversation many times. Despite the fact that I loved my home, after I finished this year I was going to move to London. Dad said he was going to help me get a flat. Mum hated this idea, she couldn't bare me moving out. I knew she suffered more then she led on when I left to go to school. She is one of them people who craved attention, but she also only accepted familiarity. This is why I was like her rock. She had a fragile demeanour and that is why I stayed with her. But I wanted to start my life, I wanted to live my dreams and I wanted to try and do it on my own. But to this day she never acknowledged that. She was happier pretending I was coming back and I didn't want to argue with her. I felt guilty enough to burst her bubble yet again.

Mum finally finished our breakfast of omelette, toast, sausages and fruit salad. The whole kitchen was in chaos, but the gesture was lovely and surprisingly it all tasted delicious. We ate chatting lightly not focussing on the painful subjects like me moving, dad or school. I was satiated and happy by the end. Mum went upstairs to get dressed leaving me to clean up the mess. She came down wearing a pair of deep green robes. She always dressed traditionally I however was more of a muggle in my dressing preferences. I only had two robes in my closet the rest was full of cute jeans and stylish dresses from "Topshop" and "River Island". We started gathering my things and making our long journey to the station. We were going to apparate. I made sure not to forget to put my iPod into my pouch, this was another one of my muggle toys which I couldn't live without. As we stood outside the house I took another moment to appreciate its beauty. I smelled the air which was sweeter then ever. I was never going to forget this place, never.

When we got to platform 9 and ¾ everything was as I remembered. The smells, the noises, the laughter. Its been three months but to me it felt more like three days. Everyone was rushing around, in their typical fashion. The energy was addictive. The little first years were extremely cute, it seemed as if they were getting shorter by the year. Their tearful faces were saying goodbyes to their parents. My heart fell a little for them, even though I knew they were going to love Hogwarts. I could also see the older students on the platform. I scanned for the more familiar faces, immediately noticing the elite group. The IT crowd. I should have known looking at them would mean seeing him.

I spotted him without hesitation his beauty was unnerving. At that moment I saw only him freezing on the spot, even though he was surrounded by the large number of his family. His brown mahogany hair was ruffled and messy in a most seductive ways. His features were soft but at the same time strong. His lean body was like a magnet begging to be held. But what I loved about him more then anything were his eyes his emerald green eyes. My happiness, my joy of going back to school was all revolved around this moment. This precious moment when I saw him again, not on pictures but flesh like this. Kallan Potter, the boy who stole my heart.

Cheesy as it sounds its true, the only problem was he didn't know I existed. He unlike me was THE boy. The most popular, the most known, the most desired. Even despite the fact that his father is the Harry Potter; the chosen one - our saviour. Kallan's popularity is of his own making. There are so many girls who would do anything to be with him, even be seen with him at least once. He loved the attention, he loved the fuss, he fed on it. I don't even know why I like him. It almost pains me, but I cant help it. He is in fact arrogant, obnoxious, spoiled kid, who parties all the time and enjoys casual sex. Everything I dislike in a person. He knows his effect on people and he uses it and pushes it over the boundaries.

I agonised over my feelings towards him for a very long time. First I thought it was hate, then I started dreaming about him, after that I couldn't deny it so now I'm just living with it. You may think I'm like many stricken teens with a huge crush on a celebrity, but to me it always felt more then that. I don't want his wealth or his popularity. Sometimes I wish he was just normal like me so that I could get to know the real him, not the one that is playing up to the cameras. What scares me is that maybe this is the real Kal, and my taste in men is horrid.

Like I always did I brushed all of this of. I forgot about Kallan for just a second, just long enough to say goodbye to my mum. She was tagging on my arm. Worried by the expression on my face. Snapping out of my daydream I smiled at her trying to reassure her I was fine.

"Well…" I said not knowing how to continue. I hated goodbyes.

"Well. Have a good time. You know enjoy your last year, and I will see you very soon" She smiled warmly at me taking my hands and holding them securely in hers. I could see her eyes glistening. She was on the edge of tears. I felt sad too now. How could I leave her? How would she cope?

"Mum we can make that soon even sooner if you come to d…" I never got to finish my sentence. She interrupted me by squeezing my hands tighter. I wanted to cry. Why was she so stubborn? Why couldn't she and dad see eye to eye, at least for my sake. I hated their relationship now more then ever.

"Honey I will see you soon." she said forcefully.

I didn't want to spoil her mood even more so I stopped talking of Christmas. We hugged each other tightly. I loved my mother so much. I don't know why I found this so hard, I done it six times before but for some reason it was much worse now. We stood there on the spot for ages. As we broke apart mum walked me to the train door still holding my hand.

"Ok so don't forget to write. I hope you didn't forget anything. If you want me to send you something tell me ok. I'm so proud of you sweetie. I love you so much."

"I love you too mum. I'll see you soon." Soon - that word seemed so overrated.

She was crying now, silent tears were running down her face. My stomach dropped and I realised I wasn't going to see her for another nine months. The thought send acid down my thought . Tears started building in my eyes. I got into the train not wanting to see her tearful face anymore. I waved a quick goodbye in my mums direction and preceded to find a compartment.

After several minutes of roaming around I found one. I put my trunk onto the top bunk and sat down looking out the window. The tears still fresh on my cheeks. I tried to distract myself, listening to the still fresh voices of the people outside. It was almost time for the train to depart. I closed my eyes trying to focus on something pleasant. It was hard not to think of mum, and every time I did I got more and more upset. Thinking about Kallan was making me angry and depressed. Thinking of lessons was just too much even for me. A knock on the door interrupted my trail of thoughts. I turned around to see a group of people standing there laughing. It took me just a moment to realise who those people were: Angelus Weasley, Amanda Jacobs, Tanya Navanee, Karina Kavonova, Dresden Pogue, Tyler Renton and of course Kallan Potter. I stared at them in a daze, they all looked so glamorous.

"Ohh sorry" said Kal after realizing I was in the room.

Tanya was hanging on his arm laughing in his neck. This made my stomach turn. Why did she have to stand so close to him. I knew they weren't going out or anything but it still annoyed me. Kallan didn't do girlfriends, only acquaintances. However, the fact that I cared in the first place just annoyed me twice as much. They all stared at me as if wordlessly ordering me to get out. This was rude. I wasn't a push over, no matter who they were. I didn't move a flinch and after another second Kallan sighted and led his posse out to search for a different compartment. I could hear them whispering as they left.

"Why couldn't we have stayed there" Was a sweet voice of Karina, the Russian beauty. "We've been walking around this train for ages."

Long wavy chocolate brown hair surrounded her dimpled cheeks and she was a voluptuous 5"5. She was probably the nicest one from the group. She sat next to me in Potions last year and was nothing more then friendly. I noticed that she's very flexible everything is easy to her, she manages to fit into her life both study and fun, the balance I was never able to achieve. Her parents are rich of course. Her mum is the creator of "Sheer" clothing line. Its like the muggle "Chanel" or "Versace." and her dad owns several other prestige businesses.

"Did you really want to stay there" exclaimed Amanda, distaste clear in her voice.

She was the most gorgeous out of the three girl. Everything about her appearance screamed "Snow White". Her 5"6 slender figure, her coal black hair cut in a sheek shoulder length bob. Her almost paper white porcelain skin, decorated with thick long lashes and luscious red lips. But every beauty has a flaw hers was a personality of a first class bitch. She was the one who made every girl feel unworthy and not just with her presence but also with her foul mouth. Her antiques were found as a means of amusement for the rest of the group. The irony of it was that her claim to fame was that her parents sold diamonds. Her dad literally owned several diamond mines like the seven dwarfs.

"Yeah Karina are you for real do you know who she is? That's frigid no mates" that stung but I mean you can expect any thing of Dresden Pogue the school comedian.

He was the shortest of the boys at 5"8. With a nice shape up, grey eyes and caramel skin. His dad was a big authority in the American ministry of magic. His mum an ex-model and has been divorced from his dad for over five years now.

"The girl that's always in the library, she's a looser" I could hear Tyler hi five Dresden.

Tyler Renton the blond male model. He is lean, at 6"2, with icy crystal blue eyes and angular features. He is the Casanova of Hogwarts, one smile from Tyler and you turn liquid. He is remarkably skilled at transfiguration some even think he is an animagus. His dad is a keeper for the Appleby Arrows quidditch team and his mum is a very famous journalist.

"How old are you two again" This was the voice of authority, Angelus.

He was the mature, composed one. His around 6"2, medium built with thick red curly hair. He unlike the others is very timid and private. What he doesn't realise is that his mysterious personality just gives him that much more appeal. He actually went out with Karina, but they split up before summer for unknown reasons. His dad and mum; Ronald and Hermione Weasley are good friends of the Potter family. They both fought in the war with Mr Potter, they are all very best of friends. Now his dad is a quidditch player and his mum is a healer, who I admire very intensely. As my dream is to follow in her footsteps.

"I've never seen her before" rang the voice of Tanya the blond bombshell.

At 5"9, she has a body of a model with her pale hair and tanned skin. She is the queen bee. Every girl wants to be her and every guy wants to get her. She is always in the spot light. She is the female version of Kallan. However she is famous for nothing. Just her natural charisma. She plays a big role in the world of elite though. She attends and gets invited to every party and every event. Her face is all over the papers and magazines. Her mums money comes from her deceased, rich, old husbands. But no one knows who Tanya's dad is.

"Yeah that's because she lives in a box and never comes out" Dresden remarked as a mater of a fact.

"Why do you have to be such a bastard Dresden" shouted Karina. She was actually defending me. I was very grateful to her.

"You love it really" I could hear Dresden making kissy noises. He wasn't very funny more stupid then anything.

"Bite me" said Karina angrily.

"Gladly" he chuckled. I could imagine Angelus's murderous face. Even though he and Karina were not together anymore the fact that they cared for each other was written all over their faces.

"Look Kares you have to admit the girl is a weirdo" said Tyler as he was pointing out something obvious. I think they were all confused by why Karina stood up for me.

"Yeah, her head is glued to a book" this was Dresden again. For some reason whenever he talked I never felt greatly hurt because there was no sense to his words. It was very hard to take him seriously.

"Just because you have no brains to even open a book" this was Tanya. I didn't know why she joined in, probably to poke fun at Dresden. If it was, it worked, everyone was laughing at his expense, even me.

"Who cares, her ugly face should be hidden anyways" This was harsh but I didn't expect to hear anything kinder of Amanda. Unlike Dresden however when she talked every word stung, she put so much negativity into the statement it made my knees go weak.

"Amanda" said Karina disappointed.

"What?" she asked puzzled, genuinely not understanding Karina's tone.

"Whatever, lets just find somewhere to sit." and finally he spoke - Kallan. He brushed me of.

This hurt for some reason even more then what Amanda and Dresden said. A part of me desperately wanted for him to notice me. But I was not stupid I knew that, that would never happen. We were just too different, too far away socially. But I still couldn't let go of the pain. Stupid pain that I shouldn't even be feeling in the first place. I should be thankful that he stopped the horrid conversation, instead I'm unhappy that he didn't have a go at me too. I am a twisted person when I'm around him. I hate it. A single tear run down my cheek and I let it. Thankfully I didn't hear anything further from the group. They must have found that compartment. As I done many, many times before I took the subject of Kallan Potter and locked it up in a little box.

After that little incident everything was pretty much quiet. Several other people checked my compartment and no one wanted to sit with me or maybe they were just looking for friends, which ever. It didn't hurt me as much as it used to. Before I used to be very paranoid trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why everyone was put of as if I was a skunk. But now I learned to let it go, not to let this ruin my life. The train took of in its usual manner and I stared out the window at the beautiful scenery. This was my favourite part of the ride, I felt so peaceful. It reminded me of home and the green fields behind our little house.

In my dreamy bliss I fell asleep. I was flying in the air gliding though the pastel fluffy clouds. The pinks and the blues and the lilac's looked like cotton wool or even candy floss. Then through one of the thicker clouds I saw a boy. He was standing in mid air hands tucked behind his pockets but he was so far away I couldn't see his face. So I moved closer as he stayed still, waiting for me. I was just few meters away as I recognised who the boy was; Kallan. He was now sitting there grinning. I stopped shocked to my core and ridiculously happy at the same time. He was smiling at me. He had a beautiful smile and in that moment he only gave it to me. I realised I was dreaming as this could never be real. He beckoned me to come closer. I obliged and flu to him. He caught me and sat me on his lap hugging me fearsly.

"You are my only one" he whispered softly in my ear as I melted in his arms. My body suddenly became weak. After a moment he took my face gently in his hands and scanned my eye still smiling. Then he looked at my lips and his were moving closer to mine and…

I woke up with a start as the train whistle rag in my ears. I felt dizzy from the dream. It felt so unbelievably real. The train came to a stop as we arrived on the platform. Finally I broke out of my daze and began to panic as I realised that I haven't yet changed into my robes. Moving so fast I could barely recognise what I was doing I changed. My cheeks were flushed my skin was hot and the memory of my dream wasn't helping. I could hear people moving loudly through the train. I grabbed my stuff and made my way outside. The train corridor was full of people it felt like twice as many came to Hogwarts this year. Everyone was pushing against each other.

I was squashed between two boys who were much taller and bigger then me. I finely came to an exit all flushed and dizzy. My hair was muffled and stuck to my forehead. I stumbled as I stepped onto the platform almost falling over. Luckily I didn't. I could feel people staring at me. I looked around and Kallan and all his friends were looking in my direction laughing under their breaths as if enjoying some private joke. Well all of them except Karina. My face was burning even more if that was possible. I looked at them unable to break away from their gaze. They were still staring. I felt rather annoyed it was still rude to stair had they no shame especially when I caught them doing it. I locked my eyes on Kallan's as he did on mine he was still smirking but my face was blank. My heart began to beat faster and my palms were going sweaty. As I looked at him, I could see something, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. After a minute or so he chuckled breaking the contact, and lead his friends to one of the carriages.

I was so confused, I mean they've seen me before but what was with all the interest now. Is it because their little conversation at the compartment was longer then I heard. Why were they laughing is it because I was so uncomposed getting out of the train. But all of those were only my second thoughts because all I could really think about was he actually looked at me.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat dazed in the carriage, all my thoughts still occupied by Kallan and the way he looked at me. His eyes were so transparent but at the same time clouded, hiding a secret behind them. It was impossible to read them, but the intensity of the connection we shared was overwhelming. I could barely notice all the other people sitting around me. Chatting excitedly, ignoring me, but I had no attention for them. I could still feel his eye on me. It only lasted ten seconds, maybe even less but to me it felt like a lifetime.

I tried my hardest not to care, to let it go. Let it go the way I let everything else go. The way I let go of my feelings. My obsessive thoughts. The way I inhibited everything unpleasant and locked it up in a very full box within my mind. But unfortunately I couldn't lock this up. I couldn't put this away. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't even manage that. In some unhealthy way I actually enjoyed this. The realisation made me feel physically sick. The closest encounter I had with this boy made me unwillingly happy. I felt so unbelievably stupid.

A tear ran down my check. It touched my lips and I tasted its saltiness. It stung my mouth. I wanted to sob but I was aware of the people around me. I moved closer to the corner of the carriage where I was sitting, trying to separate myself even further from the group. I was glad that I didn't have to talk to anyone, that no one paid me any attention. I wrapped my arms around myself feeling the September breeze slap me across the face. I just noticed how cold my skin was, because inside I was burning.

We arrived to the castle. It was glowing and as grand and glorious as I could remember. The darkness was blinding but I could still see the shadowed outline of the extensive grounds with sloping lawns. I could hear the water of the Black Lake splashing on itself creating ripples in the far distance like a large silky navy blanket. I could smell the pine and freshness of the dense Forbidden Forest. And the so familiar hooped goal posts rose like giants at the deep end of the Quidditch pitch. I remembered the times I went to fly when everyone was gone. The wind would ruffle my hair as the air washed across my face. How the adrenaline pulsed in my blood with every lope and twist.

The feeling that was eating me up eased a little. This was my third home, and I was elated to be back. But despite that I was still feeling dreadful, whilst everyone else was hyper and riotous. All I wanted was to climb down to my dorm and fall asleep on my cosy bed. My mind was trying to avoid the feast by any means possible. Kallan and his posse would be there and I really didn't want to see them.

The reason for my uneasiness was that this attraction of mine (if you can call this attraction) was driving me insane. I spend a good part of my life trying to hate Kallan Potter and then the other, trying to not notice him. I wanted to ignore his very existence, to not be affected by him. Not to have butterflies in my stomach every time I saw his face. I hated it. I hated the feelings I had for him, but I couldn't hate him. This was the problem. My insane stupid problem. I'm mad. This is why I locked up everything, otherwise they would have already send me to St. Mungo's.

The older student were now making their way to the Great Hall. I followed one of the crowds reluctantly. My mind was battling between going to the feast or to my room. I didn't want to feel defeated by Kallan Potter, so I gathered myself and decided to join the ceremony.

As I walked past the steps I recognised Professor McGonagall. She was guiding the first year students, telling them about the sorting. She stood there strong despite her old age, intimidating perhaps in the young eyes of the newcomers. I couldn't imagine when I was that little, I must have been as scared as they are. I inhaled deeply and despite the fact that I really didn't want to, I entered the Great Hall.

The sealing was high and filled with floating candles. The interior looked new compared to the outside of the castle. Its authenticity was lost after the great battle. The ghosts were gliding around, showing off to the new students and amusing the old ones.

"Good evening Miss Edgar, how was your summer?" asked The Bloody Baron more out of politest then interest.

"It was great thank you" I smiled trying to be cheerful. He bowed and flew to great Sir Nicolas.

I could feel magic wrapped around me like a hot blanket. Student were roaming around trying to find their friends to sit next to. Practising spells and charms. Showing each other the tricks they learned over the summer. I felt my wand trough the pocket of my robes. It was such a comforting feeling to know that I could now use it freely. The teachers sat at their table observing the scene before them. I could see by their faces that this was as much a happy moment for then as for the students. As the headmaster entered everyone began to settle down. I went to my table, the rest of the Slytherin's were seated by the time I reached it.

I remember when I got sorted into Slytherin, my mum cried for a week. She convinced herself that the sorting hat was jinxed. She excepted me to go to Hufflepuff like she did once. Slytherin was considered as the "evil" house, full of Machiavellians. Its always been shown in a negative light, but I never considered myself bad or malicious. And even though some of the students do have attitude problems, I wouldn't exactly say that they are horrible people.

Every house has someone that's not very nice. It makes me angry that people stereotype Slytherin like they do. I never had a problem being in my house. I mean I'm ignored most of the time and some of the pure blood students do show their distaste to me being a muggle born. But I don't feel uncomfortable or intimidated. I am capable of looking after myself.

My dad didn't understand the whole house system anyways. He was just angry that I came to Hogwarts in the first place. He never said it out loud, well we never actually talk about it, but the fact that I was a witch didn't particularly make him happy. The most I ever got from him was "how's school?". All I ever say is "fine" as every time I start talking about magic he gets all stiff and distant like he is about to be hit with a bat and is preparing for the blow. So after a certain time I learned not to say anything at all. Now we both just pretended that I'm a muggle when I go to stay with him.

He is also against me using magic in the house, and hated seeing anything to do with it. So to make this even more easier I always hide my stuff in a trunk under my bed. The only time I get it out is to do some holiday homework at night.

I spotted an empty seat next to Kaytee Hogan, a girl from my dorm. She has thick, wavy, red hair, which she permanently dyed in her third year (she used to be blond). Her eyes are lime and figure curvy. We weren't exactly best of friends but we did chat occasionally. We also sat next to each other in Charms and completed few essays together. She is a nice enough person. We get on ok. She sat next to her boyfriend Landon Sullivan he was a best seeker Slytherin has seen since who knows how long. He has honey coloured hair and dark blue eyes. His family doesn't like muggle borns to put it lightly and I suppose nether does he. But he never said anything directly, I just see it in his eyes. The disgust, the hatred.

I sat quietly waiting for the sorting to start. Desperately wishing for this evening to end as quickly as possible. I wasn't hungry, so the aspect of food didn't appeal to me. I rested my chin on my arms weakly, ignoring the Gryffindor table. That's where he sat. Kallan was of course in Gryffindor so as the rest of his friends. Another factor witch is problematic, he like everyone else didn't like my house. Not that I ever heard him say anything. I only had my assumptions to rely on. A minute later Kaytee turned around. Smiling as she realised I was sitting next to her.

"Hey Amy, how was the summer?"

"It was really good, what about yours?" I asked still laying on my arms. I could see Landon shift towards some boy next to him.

"Mine was such a drag, my relatives came to stay for few weeks it was so boring. I tried sneaking out to Landon's, didn't work though." she explained.

I laughed lightly not knowing what to say. Kaytee shrugged then turned to talk to some of her friends. I liked that she never pressed me for conversation. Yet again I was stuck with my thoughts. My head kept itching to turn around and look at him. I was fighting my willpower in a loosing battle. I was too curious, too impatient. I wanted to see if I could read more from his face this time. Maybe get a glimpse into the reason for their sneering stares. I knew I was going to surrender sooner or later, it was all in the matter of time. I dug my nails into my arms trying to concentrate on the pain. I wanted to stop thinking. It hurt and relief spread over me. All I could feel was the pain pure and simple, just pain. Suddenly, I felt something brush my shoulder. I jumped startled, spinning to see what or who it was. Tristan sat next to me silently, arms folded across his chest.

Tristan Saishan, 6"0, boyish looking with messy black hair and piercing grey eyes. His looks could only be described as hypnotic. He smelled of peppermint, it made my head spin. He was always very withdrawn, very mysterious. He never spoke to anyone and skipped lessons continuously. I remember looking at how he sat in the grounds, leaning against a tree for hours until it was dark, just watching the sky. He looked like a statue, and only his eyes glistened in the light. People were intimidated by him for some reason. But I was intrigued.

He never sat next to me before. I've only seen him from a distance. But now that he was only inches from me I couldn't take my eyes off him. I never realised how beautiful he was, as beautiful as Kallan. This was strange. He always stayed in the background, kind of like me. But my problem was sounding coherent. I could never start a conversation, its not like I didn't want to have friend. I just never had any. But he liked to be alone. He hid from everyone, his company was his own comfort. I don't know how I knew this, I was just good at reading people.

I noticed I was still staring at him and blushed immediately. I wanted to say sorry, but doubted that he even noticed my rudeness. He was staring straight ahead with a hard look on his face. He startled me again as he spoke in a low voice.

"You have an audience" He said stiffly. His voice was velvet but had a rough edge to it.

I watched him confused. Maybe its because I never herd him speak before. Snapping out of my trance I followed his eyes. They lead me back to the people I was trying to avoid. Kallan and his friend were looking at me again. Giggling and whispering like little children. My breathing became heavy, It was hard to inhale. Peppermint was still fresh in the air. The smell irritated me now. I didn't understand why they were looking at me. I tried to hide my face behind my hair. Peter Henley who was sitting opposite me couldn't understand my hesitation. He looked at me as if I was a freak, then turned back to his neighbour.

Why so much interest all of a sudden? I wanted them to stop, all of them. I felt exposed, too self conscious. But their eye were on me. They were smirking. Only Kallan's expression was blank. I found this unnerving. I noticed that Karina wasn't with them. She was further away sitting next to some of her other friends. I knew there was something very wrong. Just then the new headmaster, started his speech. Everyone turned to listen.

I put my head back down, not wanting to hear the encouraging words of Professor Guinderlock. My cheeks were now burning my arms. I was trying to figure out why they were all looking at me. A lot of things came to mind, but nothing that would have kept their attention for this long. And why wasn't Karina sitting next to them? Did they have an argument? Had they stopped being friends? Was I reading too much into this?

Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Tristan still staring at them. He had this look on his face, as if he was angry for some reason. I wanted to ask him why, but it felt awkward. I mean, I don't even know him. But I suppose he was more forward then me, as he asked.

"Why are they looking at you like that"

"I don't know" I choked out nervously.

This was so weird. Kallan was staring at me, Tristan was talking to me. My head was still spinning. I closed my eyes, trying to suppress my feelings and thoughts. The sorting started, I could hear that much.

"Johanna Cesar, Ravenclaw."

"Annabelle Sampson, Gryffindor."

I was feed up and finally decided it didn't matter why they were looking. I was going to ignore them, Kallan including. I sat up straight, trying to compose my face. Showing them that I was stronger then their immature behaviour. I felt relived after I let it go, after I started ignoring them. Tristan however was still staring, this was very peculiar. I didn't want to say anything so I just watched the sorting, peaking at him now and then. But he looked focused not moving an inch.

Twenty eight new students joined Slytherin and the feast began. The tables were covered with lovely, delicious food. It all smelled wonderful. Despite my stomach going through riot in the past half hour, I found my mouth watering. And regardless of my protest of not wanting to eat I was piling up food on my plate. I turned to glance at Tristan again, but he was gone. It felt kind of empty without him there. I brushed the feeling of and enjoyed some of the food. The staring had stopped and some weight was lifted of my shoulders.

After the feast was finished, the prefects and head boy and girl helped all the first years to the dorms. I could hear some singing Hoggy Warty Hogwarts as they went along. It made me smile. Little things like that is what I loved about this place.

"Ames are you coming" asked Kaytee.

"I'll be there in a minute" I smiled reassuringly. She nodded and left holding hands with Landon. Who was visibly glad I didn't join them.

I waited until the hall cleared, before I left. I didn't want to push through the crowds again. The first to leave were Kallan and his friends. They always had to show the rest of the school who was really in charge, who was dominant. I sighed at how pathetic it all looked. But not everyone shared my opinion. I could see young girls drooling over them, and boys admiring them.

Now that the hall was almost empty I took some time to admire it. It felt so good to be back, I was truly privileged. I exhaled from the relief of an empty room. Finally I stood up lazily, full and content. I found myself incredibly sleepy. Today was very stressful, draining and confusing. No I shouldn't think about that. I walked slowly to the entrance looking at my feet as I went. Few people were still lingering around, talking to the professors.

I came out, my legs were barely holding me up. Then abruptly I hit into something solid, my head throbbed a little from the collision.

"O my god, I'm so sorry. I…" I lifted my head to view my victim and went speechless.

He was standing right in front of me, only inches away. He smelled fantastic, sweet, like cinnamon or treacle tart. The fragrance was intoxicating. If my legs couldn't hold me before, now I was convinced that I was going to fall. He stood there like a Greek god, hands tucked behind his pockets. He was smiling at me, the same way he smiled in my dream. I stared dumb folded. Being there in his presence felt like as if before I couldn't breath and now suddenly my lungs started to consume air.

"Hey there Slytherin" he said jokingly.

I just stood there gapping at him not being able to say anything. He lifted his hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. The contact felt amazing. I wanted to lean into his touch but my body was frozen on the spot. No this was wrong, this was so wrong. I couldn't understand what was happening. He looked into my eyes searching for something still with a wicked grin on his face. My palms were sweating, I tightened them into fists. He leaned in closer to me as if to kiss me but then suddenly he walked past me to the Gryffindor table. I stood there too scared too turn around. I could hear him running back.

"Just forgot this" He was back I front of me, tossing a small gold snitch in the air and caching it again. I was too shocked, no words would come out. I just stared at him. We stood there uncomfortably. He run a hand through his hair nervously. I've never seen him like this he was usually so overly confident. When he realised I wasn't going to talk he sighed looking at the floor. But within seconds his head popped back up all grinning.

"See you around beautiful" he said and run towards the Gryffindor tower.

I was still numb. I didn't know what to make of this. I couldn't understand what just happened. I stood there for what seemed like forever. All I knew was that something wasn't right, I didn't know what yet though. But nothing good was going to come out of any of this. In that moment my whole life flashed in front of me and I made a decision. I would not let my guard down around Kallan Potter ever again. Its time I got some back bone, because I was being pathetic. I was going to change. I would try my best to change. I kept telling myself over and over again. But deep down I knew I was just lying to myself.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up weak and tiered, as I barely slept at all. All my muscles ached and my eyes felt sour. The previous day flashed before me. I could remember Kal. I could remember how he smelled, how much warmth his body produced as he stood near me. How his smile was brilliant, breathtaking. And then I could remember the staring sneers, the stupid laughter, the way him and his friends abused me with their eyes.

I buried my head under the pillow, trying to remove those thoughts. Trying to forget that ridicules day. I could hear my roommates getting ready. Giggling as they commented on each others appearance. I was hidden by the privacy of the curtains around my four poster. But their excitement was wearing out on me now. The enthusiasm was gone and anxiety stepped in. _One more year, just one more year. _I kept telling myself. _And then all of this will be over._ I wouldn't have to think about any of this.

I couldn't understand my emotions. Just yesterday morning I was exited to come back, now I'm suddenly upset about it. I didn't want to be, its just that yesterday was very confusing. Some part of me was happy, overwhelmingly happy that Kal talked to me. But the more sane, rational part was shouting to stay clear, not to get exited. Try to avoid this because it would never lead to anything good.

I remembered making a promise to my self last night. A promise that I would change, that I would not let him affect me. I was now more then ever determined to keep my promise. Today was going to be a fresh day. A new start and if he ever spoke to me again (for whichever reason.) I would be polite and detached aka not interested. I would also overlook the fact that his friends act like hyenas around me. I would focus on my studies. I was too emotional for my own good, and over analysed this whole situation.

I decided to take a nice hot shower to relax my aching muscles. It really did help. I got ready quickly, tying my hair in a messy bun letting just a few strands hang loose. My first lesson of the day was Potions. I loved Potions. Going to that class just made me feel closer and closer to achieving my dream. Excitement rushed through me. Suddenly becoming a healer became a number one priority again.

The girls from my dorm had already left for breakfast, I too quickly went down to the great hall. Like yesterday I sat next to Kaytee. Her friend were sitting around her. Laura Wight was on her left and Fran Howard was sitting opposite. Laura was a sporty girl. She was a beetter for the quidditch team. She has dirty blond shoulder length hair and very full puffy lips. Fran however was mousy gossipy little thing. She talked so quickly it was hard to understand her sometimes. Her hair was hanging dully down her lower back, she always wore little bows and headbands.

I put some food on my plate knowing that if I didn't eat something I would feel light headed later on. I ate silently. I had a strange feeling as if everyone was looking at me. I looked up and to my horror my suspicions were true. All the houses were looking at me. Stealing glances and gossiping. What the hell was happening. I ended up in my own personal nightmare.

I kept my head down. But this annoyed me. It made my breath shallow and I had to find out what was happening. I turned towards Kaytee trying to get her attention. She was having a heated conversation with Fran and Laura. Her movements were animated. I tugged her arm lightly. She looked rather taken back as she turned to face me. I would have imagined her to be angry for taking her away from something as important as her dramatic performance.

"Um… Kaytee, do I have something on my face" I asked in barely a whisper.

She wrinkled her nose puzzled.

"No, should you have something on your face" My hands became sweaty.

Was I really this paranoid. Was I just imagining things as an aftermath to yesterday.

"No its just… is it me or is everyone staring at me" I asked embarrassed.

"Are you serious" she exclaimed, shock obvious on her face.

She went into her animated state again over exadurating her movements. She exchange looks with Laura and Fran. And turned back to stare at me outraged.

"What do you mean" I asked baffled I had no idea what was happening.

What had I asked her, maybe she interpreted what I said wrong. But I couldn't remember what I said just seconds ago. All I could do was stare at Kaytee's face. She searched my face for a bit longer screwing her expression.

"You spend your night hooking up with Potter, and you don't know what is happening" she accused me.

"Potter" I asked shocked my voice trembling.

Just the mention of his name made my knees week. Hot flashes of yesterday were rushing through my mind I remembered what happened but I couldn't see how that could have caused such a strong reaction now, I didn't see the relevance.

"Don't act dumb some second years saw you" Fran interrupted my thoughts, her voice was squeaky like a rat.

What did they see though I was still confused. Kaytee's face was more relaxed she dropped her shoulders probably realizing I really didn't know what they were talking about.

"Its all over school" she sighted.

"Are you going to tell us what happens" Fran asked cheerfully.

I could barley concentrate on what they were saying my mind was rushing, trying to sort out all the unbearable emotions I felt at that moment.

"There is nothing to tell, I have no idea what you are talking about" I said still shocked staring at my lap now, fidgeting with my fingers.

"So your denying it" Kaytee asked outraged again.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't understand what was true or not. I didn't want to speak, I just needed to wait for this to sink in.

"I knew it was true" Fran was bouncing in her seat.

I knew now that if there was few people who didn't know about this. Whatever this may be with Fran's help the whole school including the teachers were going to know about it now.

"This is such a juicy information" she kept repeating.

Her happiness was over the top as if she won a lottery or something.

"I can't believe he likes someone like you" Kaytee said under her breath.

But I could hear her my head snapped up. I stared at her confused and hurt.

"Someone like me" I accused.

"Yeah you know… quite and all" she shrugged surprised.

How stupid was she to think I didn't hear her she was after all sitting inches away from me. Why was she acting like this, was she jealous. She had Landon there was no need to be jealous. I mean I didn't even understand what she was jealous about I still didn't understand what was happening.

"Yeah and he doesn't go for Slytherin girls" Fran interrupted all defensive all of a sudden.

I barely said a word and they were already ready for an argument or something. I turned the other way hiding behind my hair. They carried on with the conversation.

"He is hot though its he, I mean I know he is a Gryffindor but still I wouldn't mind a piece of that." I heard Fran's dreamy voice.

"You two are so stupid, liking Potter that's just sick" Laura said disgusted.

"Don't be jealous Laura" Fran encouraged amusingly.

"I'm not" Laura growled.

"He is looking at you" Fran exclaimed taping my arm.

I looked up at her, she turned around and I followed her gaze. Kallan was looking in my direction when he saw me looking he winked. As he did that I dropped my head again.

"Sick" Laura spat.

"So tell us what did he say" Asked Kaytee sarcastically.

"Did he ask you out" Fran asked.

"Why was he touching your hair" Laura demanded. I couldn't listen to this anymore.

I was supplicating I needed to get out.

"I need to go" I stood up rushing out of the hall.

People staring me as I passed. I could hear Fran calling after me.

"Wait… where are you going"

I quickened my step almost running now. I run all the way to my potion lesson. As I approached the room I noticed my breath was heavy. I leaned against the door trying to catch my breath. I was relived everyone was at lunch. I was privileged not to bump into anyone. I held my stomach as every breath was like ice rushing through my throat. When I caught my breath back I just sank down to the floor. This must be a dream a horrible dream a stupid horrible dream.

My head hurt what happened what did I miss that everyone else saw. Well him and his friends insulted me but that cant be it, Laura said something about him touching my hair. Suddenly it hit me like a bucket of cold water. After the feast when he went to get his snitch he lingered around me. But nothing happened. Yeah it was weird for him to approach me at all and despite my secret pleasure of that fact I was a stature. A weirdo who had no coherent words to phrase. But to an outside eye it might look suspicious I mean Kallan doesn't talk to girls like me. Kaytee was rite especially Slythering.

People were reading more into this then they knew of facts. We lingered there for longer then a minute. Those second years must not have noticed my mortified face. I wanted to laugh this was so stupid but instead of laughter I found myself in tears. A phrase be careful what you wish for came to mind. My strange heart liked Kallan, but my sain mind didn't want this. I really didn't want this.

I got up, breakfast was going to finish soon and I didn't want anyone to see me here on the floor. I went in, the room was empty I drug myself to my usual seat at the back corner. I sat quietly resting my head on my arms. I read all the material during the holidays so I had no urge to go through it again. I closed my eyes still thinking about his situation and how I was going to deal with it.

"So you're the new little miss popular" I jumped a little when I heard the voice.

It was familiar, velvety. I turned around to face him. Second time in two days Tristan had startled me. The weird thing was that we never spoke at all until now. Now all of a sudden I feel as if I've known him for ages.

"I'm not" I retorted, but my voice didn't sound as defensive as it did in my head.

"Everyone is talking about you" He informed carelessly.

He wasn't looking at me his eye were focused on a window . I peeked at what he was watching but nothing could be seen except for the clear blue sky. This was weird he never sat next to me, with the exception of yesterday. And I never remembered him coming to Potions. I stared at him for a few seconds trying to read his behaviour. I gave up he didn't even twitch his posture was solid. I sighted, disappointed for some reason.

"Don't people have anything better to talk about" I asked laying down on my arms again.

"No, they are too lame for any productive thoughts" I laughed lightly.

My sense of humour was as dry as wheat, but I couldn't help but chuckle. He didn't say anything after that he just kept looking out the window. I felt comfortable in this silence it wasn't wearing me out it wasn't awkward it was just pleasant. But a feeling was bubbling inside me. I wanted to talk to him to say something I wanted for him to say something back. To distract me from my own thoughts.

"I didn't do anything, I was just standing there… just standing." I blurred out without thinking.

He turned to face me looking at me puzzled. I just looked back, my eyes pleading for him to say something. He twisted his mouth as if contemplating something and then smiled lightly, turning back around

.

"You don't have to explain yourself" he said plainly.

"Sorry" was my automatic response.

I said it without thinking. I didn't even know what I was sorry for.

"Why are you sorry" he asked me as if reading my mind.

I tried to come up with an answer in order not to sound lame, but everything I thought of was lame. I gave up and just decided to wing it.

"I don't know, For talking too much"

"Do you talk too much" he was amused now.

I never seen him smile or chuckle or be entertained his face was always so composed. Well that's how much I could tell from a distance. It was nice to see him look alive if that makes sense.

"Sometimes" I answered still staring at his face.

It was wired how he made me forget so easily about all the mess that was happening right now. I just felt calm, the feeling was so good. But it didn't last to long. Students started coming in for the lesson all of them whispering as they noticed me. Then they noticed Tristan sitting next to me and became even more cattery. Tristan however paid them no interest and didn't move from his previous position.

When the room was full Professor Rodin informed us that no practical work will be done until we finish reading the first fifteen chapters of our text books so the whole double lesson was spent reading over the new material. Thankfully I read those fifteen chapters including the rest of the book so I just sat there quietly pretending to read. This wasn't like me I usually enjoyed reading over the material so that there would be no surprises later on. But I had so much on my mind I really couldn't focus.

After the lesson had finished Tristan was the first to leave. I couldn't believe he actually stayed through the reading session and even read a couple of chapters. He went quietly without saying a word. This pulled at my stomach but I ignored it.

I stayed till everyone else left, everyone was still staring I could feel peoples eyes on my back. I didn't want to go to lunch the whole day I was surrounded by prying eyes. How can you go from being ignored to suddenly being number one gossip of the school. But I hated this. No one actually talked to me they talked about me. It hurt me it made me uncomfortable but I tried to avoid it and most of all ignore it. I mean I should have know that any contact with Kallan Potter would resolve to this. There was no other way while being in his company.

I went outside composing the essay I wanted to finish in my head. I might as well get it over with, I knew there was more work to come over the next week. I found a comfortable place near the lake by one of the trees. I sat down making myself comfortable conjuring a cushion for my head. I looked out into the distance enjoying the silence and the fresh smell of the cold air.

My eyes felt tired for some reason, I closed them sleepily. I felt so calm and sleep was slowly consuming me, but I didn't let it. I opened my eyes looking around trying to wake myself up. As I repositioned my posture I saw Tristan in the distance gliding through the grass he looked so care free, like he had no worries at all. I almost envied him. He was under no pressure living life by his own rules. Free. that's what he was. I got so used to being unnoticed that attention suffocated me.

I got out my quill and a piece of parchment and started writing in the neatest handwriting I could manage. It took me the whole of lunch to finish and I was happy with what I wrote. I put my things back in the bag and got rid of the pillow. I made my way to charms.

As I went people were looking at me. I almost ran through the corridor. Keeping my eyes on my feet. When I reached the charms chamber I sat in a seat behind the class, listening only to Mrs Donaldson talk and nothing else. Same as in potions I waited till everyone left before I made my departure.

As I was about to make my way to transfiguration I was sidetracked by Karina. Karina of all people was standing outside my class. She smiled as she saw me come out. Why would Karina be waiting for me. Was this another attempt to embarrass me, make fun of me. I stood there face blank just looking at her perfect features. If it was they were going too far.

"Hey, Amy." she was leaning against the wall still smiling at me.

I didn't say anything just stood there I must look so wired.

"Its Amy right." she said as if scared that she got my name wrong.

"Yeah" I gave up, trying to relax my face.

She fidgeted with her hand a little before breaking into a speech.

"Listen don't pay attention to anything that's happening. Kallan…well…he is a prat sometimes, inconsiderate you know. I mean all of them, they are my friends but it doesn't mean that I agree with their behaviour all the time. So just ignore them, don't get involved. I cant change what I am… i don't know how to phrase this. Its not too late for you, its not as glamorous as it seems…no that sounds wrong. Just don't mind him. You're a… good person. Kallan still needs some growing up to do."

She finished, I never seen her this unopposed before. But every word she said confused me even more, what did she think that I was involved with Kallan. Because I wasn't. I didn't know how to answer I found this very weird.

"Look at me going on and on. I'm going to go now" she could see my uncomfort.

She smiled again and started to walk away. Suddenly she turned around.

"And Amy just stay true to yourself ok" then she dashed.

I looked around there was no one around. It was just me and her. No one herd this weird conversation, well I hoped no one herd. I stood there bemused. Shocked anything but sane. My life changed so much in the past twenty four hours I don't think I still fully realised what was happening.

The rest of the day flew past in a glimpse, before I noticed it was time for diner. Even though I wanted to skip it my stomach was having different ideas. So I went, by the end of the day people had stopped paying too much attention. I sat at the end of the table by myself I didn't want to be questioned by anyone. I just wanted to eat quickly and leave.

Few were still eyeing me suspiciously as I ate, this was putting me off I felt more self conscious then I ever have in my entire life. I could feel peoples eyes on me but when I looked up to confront them their heads would snap back. After five or so minutes I couldn't handle it anymore so I chucked my cutlery on the table with force and stormed out of the hall.

I felt two contradicting feelings anger and panic. I was both scared and annoyed. This was getting out of had and over nothing. I decided to go and do some homework in the library that would calm me down, plus I wouldn't have to hear people talking about me. I would rather go flying but it was getting dark outside and by the time I gathered my broom I would only have tem minute tops. I made a mental note to postpone it till tomorrow.

It took me less then two hours to complete all my work for today and read some material for tomorrow. I had hours to spare and nothing to do. I decided to have an early night. Well there were no choice really. I made my way to Slytherin chamber still looking at my feet avoiding prying eyes. And just like yesterday another jolt, another casualty. I have to stop staring at the floor, how clumsy can I be. All my books dropped on the floor. I leaned down to pick them up, apologising to the stranger I bumped into.

"I'm so sorry". By his chuckle I recognised him.

"We have to stop bumping into each other like this" he said amused.

Twice in two days, could I be more unlucky. This was unreal. I stared dazzled by him. His smile his eyes his hair… stop it, no, act normal who cares. He leaned down and picked up the rest of my things.

"Hey" he smiled walking a step closer to me.

"There you go beautiful" he handed me the parchments.

I could smell him again the smell was intoxicating I tried to breath through my moth. He was too close he was distracting me from concentrating on ignoring him. I took a step back , taking the parchment from his outstretch hand.

"Can you not say that" I told him.

I felt uncomfortable when he said beautiful to me, it was stupid but I did feel inferior to him, in terms of looks. I mean he must see that, how much more perfect then me he was.

"Say what" he was teasing.

Arrogant I thought and started to walk away. Only now I realised this is going to be all over school tomorrow. I groaned under my breath. Why did he have to ruin my life. He was walking next to me now. What did he want couldn't he see how much damage he already cause. Some o the students were now walking through the corridors gasping as they saw Kallan walking next to me.

"What are you doing" I asked forcefully, clearly annoyed.

This is so bad.

"I wanted to ask you something" he informed.

Smiling cheery. I was annoyed with his confidence. As I cringed and hang my head low when people stared. He embraced it, acting as if It didn't bother him as if the world was invisible. I picked up my pace, as I noticed some forth years giving me dirty looks.

"Hey slow down" he chanted.

I ignored him, trying to think about anything other then him. God he smelled fantastic, I was sure that I just grew accustomed to that smell. Why did I have to feel what I felt for him. I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes. He over run me stopping right in front of me. My head was still down, I was fighting the tears, Please don't let him se me cry please don't let him see me cry.

He tilted my head up with his fingers. The contact felt so good. If not for my self control I would have wrapped my arms around him this second, needing the contact more then ever before especial when he was just in my reach. Acting on instinct I slapped away his hand and took a step backward. I could sense he was getting tiered of my behaviour as he sighted. I quickly rubbed my eyes making sure to tears will spill before I looked at him. His face looked impatient and hurt.

"Would you tutor me in potions" he asked weakly but pleading a little too.

Why would he ask me something like that especially when his best friend was so much better at it then I was. But mostly I was shocked in why on earth out of everyone there who would pay money to tutor him ask me. I blurred my thoughts out unbelievably curious.

"Why would you ask me"

"I heard you were good and I'm failing" he shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing.

Did he know who he was talking to. His friend were talking about how I was a frigid a weirdo and he is asking me to help him. This was just too weird too suspicious. His face looked sincere but I couldn't trust him no matter how tempting the idea was.

"I'm sorry I cant I'm too busy" I answered more confidently looking at him suspiciously.

I wanted him to see that I didn't believe him. I mean come on if he needed a tutor his father could ship one for him from Romania who would follow him everywhere and do all his walk for him without the teachers complaining or noticing and yet he wanted me.

"Excuse me" he was shocked.

Ha, hurts doesn't it not to get your own way. Things always came to him on a golden plate I don't think he even knew how to spell "No". I could see how much my rejection bothered him. He looked so confused. I suddenly felt a bit more confident not a lot though he was still too close. I could see the same forth year peeking at as from the corner also amazed by my answer. So a bit more louder and forcefully I repeated.

"I'm busy" I think I looked a bit smug but I couldn't tell.

He fuming silently I could see it in his eyes. He smiled again but more maliciously.

"Of curse you are, with such a packed social life you lead" he said as loudly as he could.

The girls behind us laughed. I don't know why but when he insulted me every word was magnetised by a hundred. Is someone else said it probably wouldn't phase me, but him. The tears I was compressing suddenly burst out I could feel them running down my face. I didn't change my face expression but the tears were still rolling down staining my robes.

When he looked at me cry my heart stopped and melted away. His expression was pain like he regretted saying anything at all. His hand were bound in tight fists. His reaction was confusing I would think he would laugh a me being so pathetic to cry. But he looked sorry. Genuinely sorry. He took a step towards me but I took one back. I was numb, even though what he said wasn't very hurtful it hurt me more then it should. I knew he would never figure out the real reason for my tears. I wanted to leave wanted to go but he was in my way.

"Look sorry, please help me" he rushed his word which were so fake but his eyes said it all.

"Why don't you ask Karina she is much better in potions then me" I said flatly.

Staring at him fully now no embarrassed what was the point he just saw me cry. He would take the piss tomorrow and make fun of me anyways, what else can I do that will be more exposing then this.

"We are sort of not speaking at the moment" he said as flatly as I did.

"Sorry I don't think I can help you" I wanted to I still wanted to, but I knew who he was and this was some kind of a joke.

But his eyes looked so open so sincere.

"Don't be like that, I really do need your help" He was more pleading again more open.

He was either a very good actor and honestly needed the help. But I wasn't going to find out. I would not get involved maybe this was what Karina meant he asked her and she said no so she knew he would ask me next. But even though I wanted to get involved I wouldn't. I had remember who he was and who I was. I didn't want to get caught in a world I didn't belong in even for a second.

We could never be and tutoring him would make it that much more difficult not to get involved. I was already too involved for my own good. I stared into his eyes again just to memorise them because I knew I probably wouldn't see them so close ever again. The brilliancy of them was breathtaking. The emerald green was so rich. I needed to get away I had to stop torturing myself.

"I'm sorry" I pushed past him and ran.

He didn't call after me he didn't follow me he let me go. I cried that night willingly. I had a chance to get to know Kallan Potter and I threw it away. I knew it was the right thing to do but why the hell did it hurt so much. As if my hears was ripped apart. I slept and my dreams were filled with him his smile his hair and his perfect emerald green eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't sleep all night. Yesterday was like a bad dream, or a good one I still wasn't sure. All I knew was that rejecting Kal's proposal was hurting me more then I would have ever imagined. I was having second thoughts about my decision. My heart and mind were battling for dominance and it made me feel nauseous. It was obvious to me that this was not the end; he wasn't going to let this go. His ego could not hold the capacity of rejection especially from someone like me. Somewhere deep inside it made me smile, but I quickly rid myself of such thoughts. I couldn't process this in my mind, I said "No", I said "No" to KALLAN POTTER. It would sound even more ridicules if I said it out loud.

"Arghh"

I screamed, not being able to hold down my frustration, letting my hands run through my hair. I was standing in the girls' bathroom studying my reflecting. I looked disgusting; the lack of sleep has had its toll. There were circles around my eyes and my skin looked patchy and more pale then usual. I couldn't look at myself I felt foul. I couldn't believe that I did this to over a boy. What the hell is happening to me. I splashed some cold water on my face trying to wake up. Trying to get a grip of myself. But it didn't work, I sighed, that's all I could do. Today was going to be a long day.

Walking thought the corridors was as I expected. People were pointing at me, whispering as I went. New rumours had started and new names were formed. Most just stared at me, giving me dirty looks. Others were brave enough to actually slag me off to my face. I was sure that after yesterday thing would get much worse, so I was mentally prepared. The realisation of being the new gossip of school was draining me out. I hated it.

As I was just about to turn the corner into the great hall I saw Kal. He was standing at the entrance talking to his friends. He looked unfazed. Happy, smirking as usual. He was having a heated discussion with Tyler, trying to prove something to him. His hand were flying around animating something. His eyes were almost glistening with excitement.

I froze on the spot, why did I react towards him like this. My heart started beating faster, most of my annoyance with him over yesterday vanished. All I could thinking about was his face his gestures his… He saw me looking. And in a deadly motion my exhilarating heart stopped. I quickly looked at the floor, briskly walking towards the massive wooden doors. I pretended to ignore him keeping as much distance between us as it was humanly possible in this situation. Chanting in my mind not to turn around, to pretend he doesn't exist. He chuckled at my attempt, seeing through my pretence. I could feel his eyes on me, burning my skin. He said something to his friends and they walked inside while he lightly jogged towards me.

"Hey there" he stood right in front of me not letting me pass.

I ignored him, looking forward and trying to move around his figure. He didn't let me pass, mimicking my motions, still grinning like a kid.

"Can I please pass" I said irritated. But inside I was screaming from excitement of having him so near gain.

"I was hoping you changed your mind" he said smiling at me hands in pockets as usual.

"What" I said confused, looking up at him for the first time.

"About being my tutor" He raised his brow, he had such perfect eye brows.

"Ohh, well… no I haven't" I was still staring. Stop it

"You know I never take a no for an answer" he leaned towards me, dazzling me, taking advantage of my weakness.

He was so perfect and so close. Stop it. I snapped out of it, dropping my eyes down again. I could faintly see people looking at us. Kallan was smirking as if it was only me and him in the room. He ether ignored the prying eyes or really wasn't bothered. I felt ill again, because to me each look was suffocating.

"Well there is a first time for everything" I said under my breath, pushing through him to get by.

As I walked away I heard a lot of "Oooo's" and "Aahhh's", this put a small smile on my face as I imagined his expression. I was playing with fire because this game we were playing wasn't over, and in my sick masochistic way I enjoyed it, knowing that he will approach me again.

I sat in seclusion, furthest from everyone, picking at my food. I didn't feel like eating. Kal walked into the hall with a smile on his face, looking at me like nothing happened, confident as ever. His eyes were shining as if he knew something I didn't. I looked away. My head was pounding; I was still trying to figure out why he came up to me yesterday, I mean really why. I was just about to leave, irritated by all the stares and whispers, when the owl post arrived. A small, gray owl came flying towards me, with a newspaper and a letter in its beak. He dropped it right in front of me missing my bowl of cereal by millimetres. The room irrupted with noise. Everyone started to open their packages and letters. I sat back down opening mine. It was from mum. I read through it quickly and made a mental note to write back later on.

I stood up stuffing the letter into my bag; as yet again I was sidetracked. Three girls from Gryffindor, probably third years, were standing in front of me. They tried to look fierce, arms crossed, faces pensive and angry waiting for something. I looked at them confused, lost almost. Regardless of their age I felt intimidated. They stood there still as stone. I thought it would be a good idea to walk around them. I wasn't in the mood to hear whatever it is that they wanted to say. I already had enough people call me a "stalker slag" for the past three days. I tried to walk past them but they mimicked my motions not letting me through. 'So determined' I thought. I crossed my arms on my chest copying them, trying to put on a hard face, and raising my eyebrow like they done in the movies. It was a hopeless attempt at scaring them off but nothing better came to mind.

"Would you mind" I asked politely.

"Yes we would" said a little blond one in the middle, playing the leader.

"Leave Kallan alone, he doesn't like you" said the girl on her left with darker blond hair.

"Can you let me pass" I said a little more forcefully but my voice was cracking. The Slytherings were looking at me now.

"Just stay away from him, your too ugly for him" said the girl in the middle.

"He will never like you" the third girl finally spoke.

"Yeah he doesn't like girls like you"

"And what you think he likes girls like you" I shouted, putting my hands on my hips.

As soon as I said it I regretted it more than anything in my life. My face suddenly went white. I was shocked at myself just as much as those girls. A tight naught was squeezing my stomach. I sounded so arrogant; I had no idea where that came from. I don't know, maybe somewhere deep inside me I wanted to believe that Kal did actually like me. The three girls were gawking at me. Their faces looked mortified. The third girl with honey brown hair moved closer towards me.

"Yes he does actually; I think anybody would rather go out with us then an ugly Slytherin stalker like you" she said as loudly as she could without screaming.

The people around me were now listening intently to this little argument: if you must. I kept biting my lip in frustration. I received enough abuse from my peers that this didn't hurt me, it only made me feel anxious. But I wasn't scared I just wanted to get away from the situation. I really desperately needed some air. I got my reprieve when professor McGonagall rushed towards me.

"And what may you explain is happening here" She questioned the girls. Everyone that was staring began to leave their seats, and the hall itself became noisier again.

They trio looked at her like kittens with hart melting faces.

"Nothing Professor" they cried in unison.

"Just talking" said the feisty blond on the left.

"I think you ought to go to your lessons girls, you don't want to be late now" said McGonagall in her usual strict manner.

The three girls walked off but not without a dirty look in my direction. I stood on the spot uncomfortable, thinking of a best way to leave but Professor McGonagall was directly in my path.

"May I have a word Miss Edgar?"

"Umm, yeah sure" I looked confused and a bit scared did I do something wrong. I mean what can she want to talk to me about. Maybe she thought it was me who was harassing her Gryffindors.

"Don't worry you're not in any kind of trouble" she smiled, as if reading my thoughts.

She started making her way out of the hall. I followed her awkwardly, looking down at the floor as always. She led me to her office. It was bright as the sunshine was beaming through the window making the dust visible, oozing around.

"Please sit" She offered, and I sat down holding my hands, shifting a bit.

"Miss Edgar, I want to ask you something very important." She began, leaning on her desk studying my reaction, creasing her forehead slightly.

"Now you know that you are one of the best students in you're year, and your determination and dedication is highly praised. You set a good example for others and that is why I would like to ask you to help someone who is less fortunate academically. Now I think you know Mr. Potter?" my eyes widened, I slowly nodded.

"Well he is struggling greatly with Potions and I think your help could be essential to his improvement"

"But Professor why me there are others who are capable of helping Mr. Potter" I said pleadingly even though I knew her request was more of a statement.

"Yes, but I am aware that you are very ambitious in becoming a healer and this will be a great opportunity to improve your application, make you stand out from the rest." This was emotional blackmail. Becoming a healer was my dream. But I wasn't going to give in. I didn't want to let Kallan win.

"But I'm busy, I have my own work to do" I argued.

"Well I'm not trying to pressure you Miss Edgar but like I said this would be a great opportunity for YOU and Mr. Potter does need a lot of help." She was forcing this upon me, knowing just how hard I was finding it to resist. I knew perfectly well that this was my ticket to the healers training program. She made it sound as if I need Potter more then he need me. My mind was battling for a decision. I knew I wanted to do it, my hart wanted to be as near to Kal as possible. But my sanity was telling me to stay rational: this was a death trap. McGonagall's eyes were suffocating me. I was going to say "no".

"Ok" What!!!!!!!!!! What did I just say? Why did I say OK?

"Great well you can start straight away"

'How could he!' was the only thing playing in my head as soon as I left McGonagall's office. He went through all that trouble just to make me tutor him. I felt ludicrously flattered and suspicious, mixed together with complete confusion to form a mind-blowing cocktail of emotions. The overload of information compelled me to go and shoot myself. I'm going crazy. I was angry, scared, I wanted to cry.

'Deep breaths: breath in, breath out!' I put all my insecurities behind me and decided to confront him. What have I got to loose, he already took everything, made my life a living hell. And now on top of that he has me on a leash with the excuse of a tutor.

As I practically ran down the stairs, almost tripping on my own two feet, I felt the oozing smell of peppermint: Tristan. His smell was unmistakable. I slowed down my pace as I noticed him sitting on one of the wide framed windowsills, looking at the grounds through the foggy glass. His face looked peaceful like he was somewhere out of this world. I found this boy so intriguing that I had to stay and watch him for a moment. He didn't notice me staring: again. I sighted at my own pathetic nature and went along to pass him. But I felt a strong grip on my arm, he stopped me. I slowly turned around. He was staring at me. His beautiful eyes were cold, yet I couldn't break the contact.

"Do you want to go flying" his voice was even.

I stood there not able to say a word. Even though he asked it sounded more like a statement. Was he waiting for me all this time? How did he know I was here? But most importantly why would he want to fly with me? I hadn't had a chance to say anything as he made my decision for me.

"Tomorrow afternoon at 6 come to the grounds"

He jumped off the marble and walked past me towards our common room. He didn't look back at me, and I didn't want to protest. I followed him with my eyes until he disappeared from view. I felt calmer for some strange reason and more relived. Smiling lightly I went down the stairs were a surprise was awaiting me.

Kal was leaning next to the opening into the Slithering common room. Luckily for him there was no one around to see it. I don't think it would be good for his reputation to hang around these parts. But he is Kallan Potter rules don't apply to him; he would probably get away with casting one of the unforgivable's. When he saw me pass in the other direction, he joined me walking.

"I underestimated you" I said flatly.

"Is that a compliment" he looked amused and pleased with himself, teasing me.

"You really don't like the word no" I stopped and looked at him arms on my hips. I wasn't as angry as before. After my encounter with Tristan I felt so much more relaxed. I could talk to Kal rationally at least.

"YOU really don't like the word YES" what was he implying. I didn't reply just stared at him. He chuckled.

"So when are we going to do this" he clapped his hand like a little child that just got his way. I gave up what was the point, I was in too deep might as well enjoy it, it's not like I had a choice anymore.

"Fridays from 4-7 that's the only time I'm free" I started walking again, fully giving into my feeling. Knowing that for the next few months he will be near me and I can enjoy his eyes, his sent, and his beauty. This brought a small smile to my face.

"Ok" he agreed.

"Ok, in the library" I confirmed.

"No, let's go to my dorm it's much nicer there, you know private" Was he joking, I was already hanging on threads not to jump on him, and he would suggest something like this. I'm not one of his slappers. He was taunting me and I was getting angry. No Potter we are doing this my way.

"Library otherwise find yourself another tutor."

"You're a feisty one" he was walking backward in front of me now. The corridors were empty eliminated by candle lights reflecting warm earthy brown tones. The atmosphere was somehow romantic, and his emerald eyes were glowing in my direction, only for me to enjoy. He was funny in his own cocky way. I was growing used to his attention even though I knew it was wrong and fake. I needed to get away before I done something stupid.

"Bye" I walked quickly past him, but he caught up to me, stopping right in front of my face.

"And so cold, why are you fighting this, maybe I like you and you're just making this harder for both of us" he whispered in his soft hot voice.

I swallowed hard. I was shaking all over. I couldn't think, I just wanted to kiss him, my face moved closer. He took my hand in his this was like cold water over my head.

"Speak for yourself, now I have to go" I said harshly, but didn't remove my hand from his grip.

"I see you tomorrow beautiful" he whispered and kissed my palm. I snacked it out of his hold and run to my dorm. My hand was still burning from the kiss. I held it close smiling like a child. I was going to regret this kiss tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day was a blur. The sleepless nights had become a ritual, so I can't even complain. I was tossing and turning all night thinking about the burning patch on my palm. The kiss, a simple gesture others would take for granted. But I can't because the lips that touched my skin were his, and despite everything I can't take HIM for granted. I can't change how I feel no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise. Or undermine him in my head. I don't know how to handle myself anymore. I already gave in, opened up to him. Only an idiot wouldn't be able to figure out just how much I like him.

The horrible feeling of drainage followed me everywhere, and when inside I was screaming from the pain outside I looked unfazed. I didn't know if people witnessed last night. I hoped they didn't but if they did I don't think I would care anymore. To my surprise the morning was uneventful. No one paid me more attention than for the past three days. I still got abused as I walked through the corridors, but the stares became more subtle and the whispers more baring.

My feet rushed to breakfast. I needed to see him. See his eyes. My breathing was uneven and my heart was drumming an unknown rhythm. Now that I've tried this drug I needed more. Just to see his face would be enough. That is all I needed. I practically run in the Great Hall. I was looking around for him smiling in anticipation, but my smile slowly faded as the realization kicked in. Kallan wasn't there. It's like swallowing freezing water.

I couldn't eat, I was anxious. Maybe he just woke up late or decided to skip breakfast. I didn't know where he was, the curiosity was driving me nuts. But the worst think was that I couldn't ask anyone about it. Like an idiot I kept staring at the Gryffindor table where he usually sat. All his friends were there. Karina joined the group again chatting with Tania. Amanda was doing her nails with magic. Angelus was reading a book. Dresden was entertaining the fourth year girls and Tyler found himself a new distraction in the eyes of Renata Loon: A pretty red head from the year bellow. None of them paid me any attention, and I never thought I would say it but I wish they did.

Lessons seemed to drag on and for the first time in my life I paid them very little attention. I was so absent minded that Professor Donaldson even asked me if I wanted to be excused to see the nurse. The one person who I thought could somehow make it better was Tristan. He didn't come to potions today. That made my stomach turn, I really hoped he would show up; he made me feel relaxed, peaceful just by being there. He took all the thoughts away. I knew that I couldn't use him as my personal security blanket but I needed him. I wanted to ask him if he was serious about going flying. I was so curios at why he asked me in the first place.

I was feeling more alone today than ever. No Kal, No Tristan just me and myself. I was angry: at them, at everyone and everything. I tried to pass the time. I had done all my essays. Read over tomorrow's material, wrote a letter to mum. But to my dismay that only occupied 4 hours and it was now just 5 pm. I decided to go down to the grounds and wait for Tristan. I wasn't sure if he would come, but regardless of that I wanted to fly. I needed it. It was another secret obsession of mine and I couldn't restrict myself of it. I even tried out for the_**Quidditch**_team once, but got cold feet when it actually came to playing the game.

I got my broom. My mum bought me a new one last birthday. It was beautiful, mahogany wood, slick finish. Light and angled. It could glide through air like a hot knife through butter.

The wind was ruffling my hair and twirling the maple leaves on the ground. The sky had an orange tone to it like on a break of dawn. I breathed in the fresh cold air and smiled, taking of my shoes and letting my toes feel the moist grass. I know it's a stupid thing to do but I just couldn't help myself. I reached my tree where I always sat, near the lake. It stood there old and wrinkled welcoming me. I sat down hugging myself admiring the views.

Hufflepuffs were having a Quidditch practice, so I decided to wait until they finish before making my way over there. Why did this feel so easy, just sitting here? Being surrounded by nature. I almost thought I forgot about Kal, but that was impossible. I was still worried about him somewhere in the back of my head. He was absent all day. He didn't come to lunch or dinner. I was so anxious I almost bottled up the courage to ask Karina where he was, but thought better of it as soon as that idea crossed my mind. I wanted him, but knew I couldn't have him. He made the idea of HIM more real for me now and I didn't know what to do with that. It's like the harder I wanted to dislike him, the more he charmed me. The colder I was acting, the more my heart melted. But it was a routine now, I couldn't stop my behaviour. I was going in circles. I let him in my life but I didn't want to let him in my heart, because it's so easy for him to destroy. I'm scared to let myself believe that he has feelings for me. I'm so vulnerable when it comes to him. Maybe he did just need the tutor but couldn't help flirting or annoying me. Maybe that day on the platform one of them made a very clever joke and that is why they couldn't stop laughing in my direction. Too many thoughts again, where is Tristan when you need him.

And just like on cue I saw him walking to the pitch, hands in his pockets. He looked a bit like Kal. I smiled. But still different more tense, closed up. He was looking straight ahead with a hard face. I put my shoes on, gathered my stuff and run after him.

"Hey" he said, without stopping, still looking straight ahead. When did he notice me?

"Hi" I said a little out of breath.

"Why did you take your shoes of? You can get ill." his voice was flat like he didn't actually care even though he asked.

"I put on a heating charm, don't worry."

"I'm not" he said a little too defensively, like a stroppy kid. I chuckled at him.

We walked in silence, easy silence. It's like even though to some it could feel and look tense, to me it was comfortable. Maybe it's because me and Tristan are kind of similar. No, not similar. We are very different. Like two pieces of the same puzzle: they are different but they fit.

All the Hufflepuffs had left by the time we got to the pitch. I dropped my bag in the corner and went after Tristan who was standing in the middle waiting for me.

"Are you ready?" He looked at me straddling his broom. It was old and worn but I liked it, it suited him. His face was mischievous. For the first time it looked alive, energetic: happy.

"Hmm... oh yeah" he took off before I had a chance to do anything but gape at him.

He was gliding through the air: teasing me. 'Two can play that game' I thought and accelerated after him. We swayed in the air. The wind was blowing our hair and filling our lungs. We were laughing, chasing each other like little kids. Each was showing of their skills; almost like a competition, let's see whose better. I was diving and looping, but Tristan had to be a step ahead he stood on his broom. I was impressed.

"Why don't you try out for the team" I shouted after him. "You could be a brilliant seeker"

"Your tryout set a standard I don't want to break it" he chuckled.

"You saw that" my face started to get hot, that tryout was embarrassing. I just wanted to forget it ever happened.

He shrugged his shoulders, still grinning and flew higher up in to the air. He started mimicking my tryout. I folded my arms on my chest as if to look angry at him, but I couldn't keep up my facade for too long and just bust out laughing. I couldn't believe I done some of those things. We mucked around for ten more minutes and decided to make it a day. It was darker now. We've been flying for around an hour. The sky was now a deep gray blue colour and the wind was colder and sharper. I got my things and we slowly made our way to the castle. This was one of the best times I ever had in this school. I honestly had fun. I didn't feel like silence and knowing that Tristan wouldn't make the first move decided to start the conversation.

"Why didn't you come to potions today" I was slightly behind him and had to keep up with his fast pace.

"Didn't feel like it" he shrugged. He was back to his silent mysterious mood. I was slightly disappointed; I liked the open happy Tristan.

"Don't you care about school at all?" I frowned slightly.

"I don't care for people within this school" I felt a bit sad when he said this, as if it was aimed at me.

"But don't you want to get good newts?"

"Why do you assume that I wouldn't get good newts?" He said amused.

"Well you don't come to any lessons" I rationalised.

"And how does that undermine my intelligence, it just shows that I don't care much for lessons" he said simply.

"Why did you came in the other day then"

I was confused. I think I became such a book worm that the idea of missing even one lesson just because you wanted to sounded ludicrous. Tristan didn't say anything he just kept walking. I was a bit angry at him for keeping me hanging.

"Why won't you answer" I whined.

"Because I have nothing to say" he chuckled again.

"Why did you invite me to fly with you?"

I decided to ask the question which interested me the most. But yet again I received silence. He was just rudely ignoring me. It was hard to understand Tristan sometimes. And I though I was the most anti social person in the world, I think he just topped me.

"Am I talking to myself" I said raising my voice slightly.

"Why did you come flying with ME?" he asked emphasising on the 'me'. I don't know. Why did I go flying with him? I could have gone by myself. I didn't know what to say. I think he took my silence as an answer.

"My point exactly" he smiled. I chuckled. Ok Tristan you can have this one.

"So there is no point in asking you anything" I sighted.

"There is. It's just not all your questions will have an answer." He said smartly, putting his hand inside his pocket. Something shiny fell out. I picked it up and run after him.

"Hey you dropped this" he stopped taking the pick out of my cold hand. He gives me a crocked smile and puts it back in his pocket. We stood there looking at each other. The air was filled with peppermint again, his piercing gray eyes shone with warmth.

"Do you play?" I broke the silence. His eyes suddenly went cold and his face twitched as if he realised something. He looks at me as if I asked another stupid question and started walking. I frowned and followed him.

"Ok, how long have you been playing for?"

"Since I can remember, my mum used to play." His voice was cold now, detached. I had a guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach as if I done something wrong. But I didn't want to believe it.

"Ohh is she a musician." I said more cheerfully then necessary.

"She is dead" he spat in a whisper. A chill went down my spine.

"I'm sorry"

"Why do you always apologise without a reason?" he said angrily. I felt so guilty for making him upset, for bringing up something painful. I could see him tense up. How his hand was squeezing the old broom with force. A little harder and it would snap.

"I just meant I'm sorry for you loss" I pleaded in a bare whisper. I must look so pathetic. I started looking at my feet again a tendency I usually lost around Tristan. He must have noticed as he sighted and loosened the grip on the broom.

"I was little I barely remember." He said. His voice was still cold.

"Would you play me something" I knew a smart thing to do at this point was to shut up but I couldn't. I felt compelled to get to know him, even though I was scared of saying the wrong thing. It's like walking on eggshells.

"Very unlikely" he chuckled. I felt relieved that he wasn't angry at me anymore.

"Why? I really want to hear" I said enthusiastically.

"I only play for myself" he clarified.

"Ok will you teach me then, I always wanted to learn"

He didn't answer he just kept walking this was so frustrating. But I didn't want to push him; I couldn't bare the idea of him being upset with me again. We walked the rest of the way to the castle in silence, easy silence.

"Next week again" he threw at me. It wasn't a question just a fact.

"Yeah sure" I smiled.

"Bye" he started walking in the opposite direction of the _**Slytherin**_ chamber.

"Aren't you going to the chamber?"

"No" he said shortly. I decided not to press him for answers.

"Ok, well night" I waved my hand awkwardly.

He half smiled and walked off. I just stood there looking after him. I sighting and was about to start walking when he turned around and came back to towards me, but this time much closer invading my personal space. I could feel his hot breath on my face and that fresh oozing peppermint. His grey eyes were hypnotic I just stared at him gaping.

"Maybe" he whispered.

"Maybe what?" my voice was shaking; my knees suddenly went weak from his closeness.

"I'll teach you to play." He smirked; he had dimples when he smiled. I couldn't help but to smile back.

As suddenly as he came he left. While I was processing this new information and trying to un-riddle tonight's events all I could see was his back. I didn't know why I felt so at ease with Tristan, but I knew that I need him in my life and I don't know what I would do without him. When I'm with him I'm calmer even though he isn't an easy person to be around. He builds up this tension within himself and I can feel it but it doesn't effect me.

But I soon as Tristan left and I got to my dorm I remembered Kal and his absence today. I went to bed early worried and anxious about him and frustrated at myself. A day wasn't worthwhile if I couldn't at least see his face once. I tried to focus on the time I spent with Tristan. He was becoming someone close and I really wanted to call him my friend.

I fell asleep, very quickly. I was having the weirdest dream. Tristan was there, we were flying though clouds that very much resembled the once in the dream I had on the train. They were fluffy pastel pink, blue and peach. They were like cotton-wool almost real to touch. We were laughing, he was trying to catch me. Then I saw Kallan sitting on one of the clouds.

"Come here" he called.

I looked at Tristan he was frowning and holding out his hand. I looked at him then back at Kal, he was smiling so warmly. I looked at Tristan again. He was still holding out his hand. I took it and pulled him with me towards Kallan, but he snatched his hand out of my grip and shook his head, then outstretched his hand again. I looked at him confused. Kal was still waiting for me.

"Let's go" I cried. He just kept shaking his head.

"Amy" I heard Kallan's velvety voice ring.

Was I meant to choose between them? I didn't know what to do. So my heart decided for me.

"I'm sorry" I said to Tristan and flew towards Kal. When I got to him he pulled me in and sat me on his lap.

"You are my life" he whispered.

I felt so warm. I hugged him tight wanting to stay in these strong arms forever. I looked back at were Tristan was but the space was empty, there was no one there. Something inside was pulling at my stomach. I tried to ignore this feeling but it wouldn't go away. I woke up startled, breathing deeply. It was only 4 am so I tried to go back to sleep.

I was enthusiastic today. It was a Friday and mine and Kallan's first tutoring session. I didn't know if he would show up, but every bone in my body was hoping to see him today. He was in all my dreams last night, like an unwanted (or maybe now wanted) presence in my both conscious and unconscious mind. I couldn't get him out of my head, he was everywhere. I mean I had dreamt about him before, but now my dreams were different. They felt more real, solid and deep. Maybe he just fuelled my imagination by being around so often.

I got ready, deciding to curl my hair slightly. Thank god for magic, it only took a wave of a wand. I put some cherry lip-gloss on my pout and looked in the mirror. I didn't know why I was making such an effort. Ok maybe I did know but I wouldn't admit it, even to myself. I still looked plain, but my blue eyes were strangely glossy and clear. I smiled optimistically, maybe there's still hope for me.

I walked to breakfast ignoring everyone, consumed by my own thoughts. I was looking down, smiling. When I came to the main corridor I saw him. I sighted in relief. He's in; my heart started beating harder. I walked slowly so that he would notice me. He was leaning against the Great Halls doorframe. I for some strange reason thought he was waiting for me. Halfway there I came to a halt, frozen to the ground. My heart stopped and dropped down to my stomach. Christina Watson run right in to his arms. He hugged her fiercely and twirled her around. I didn't know what to do; I was still standing there like an idiot. I'm so stupid, why was I winding myself up for the past week. Why did I let myself hope that he could like me? I tried to stuff as much air into my lungs as possible. Every breath was like getting stabbed but I took it, I took this unbearable pain. I brought this up upon myself. I walked quickly past them. He didn't even see me. Good. Now I know where I am and where he is. I sat next to Kaytee, shaking a little. I was fighting tears.

"Are you ok Amy?" she asked, looking at me like at something strange.

I was about to reply when I saw Kallan and Cristina walk in. She was beautiful of course and no cherry lip-gloss can compete with that. Christina is a mixed raced Gryffindor with long brown hair and perfect features. She is a year bellow and is as pretty if not prettier than Amanda. I suddenly felt revolted, I needed to get out. Kaytee followed my gaze and snorted. That was like another attack on me reminding me just how much of an idiot I am.

"Do you know what I think I'm going to skip breakfast today. I'll see you in Charms ok"

I didn't wait for her to reply, got my bag and hurried out of the suffocating space. I was now sure that all he wanted was a tutor. And taunting me was just in his flirtatious nature; he couldn't help but be charmingly cocky. He was too confident and when he got what he wanted he didn't need to bother playing anymore. And even though this was a perfect reason to start hating him I couldn't. I still felt the same about him, but less about myself.

I wanted to get distracted, my heart was hurting so much but nothing took away the pain. I completely threw myself into lessons. I read the material over and over again, practised spells until they were flawlessly perfect. I was eating up every word out of the Professors mouths. This was my way of coping with my life. I skipped both breakfast and lunch just so I wouldn't see them again. Instead I went to the Slytherin common room. It was empty except for one person Tristan; my security blanket. I wanted to hug him, cry on his shoulder, tell him just how much I was hurting and I knew he would take the pain away.

"Hi" I said weakly trying to smile. He looked at me and within seconds his eyes became alarmed.

"Hi" he was sitting on the sofa reading a book; a muggle book.

"What are you reading?" I asked gesturing at the warn cover.

"Withering heights" he quickly put it in his bag.

His face looked a little pained he was still looking at me, looking through me. I couldn't hold it in anymore two hot tears run down my face. Tristan was up in moments, hugging me very tightly. I cried silently letting the tears out but not making a single sound. I let Tristan hold me; I needed someone to hold me together because I was falling apart. He didn't ask me what happened or why I was crying he just held me.

We sat like that for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally we separated and I felt hollow again. His piercing gray eyes were studying my face. I don't know what I looked like to him and I don't know what he was looking for when he stared at me. He half smiled and whipped the tears away with his thumbs.

"We are friends aren't we?" I pleaded.

His hands were still on my face. He looked into my eyes searching again. I was waiting for him to say something. He let go of my face, smiled weakly and nodded once. I smiled back. I felt better inside; he gave me the much needed energy to survive at least until tomorrow.

At 4pm sharp I came to the library I knew he was going to be late. I found a table furthest from all the prying eyes. I didn't want to give people anymore to talk about. My hands were shaking as I tried to get all the books out from my bag. As the responsible person I am I made plans for our sessions. I was going over things we would to cover today in my mind, trying to distract myself by any means possible. It took me a while to mentally prepare myself for this. Not coming at all also went through my head. My chest was still tight but Tristan made it better, it didn't hurt as much.

"Hey beautiful" he whispered.

I could feel hot breath on my neck; so close, so warm. It made my head spin and all I could do was close my eyes and get some air into my lungs. I was awakened from my trance when the tip of his nose began to softly ruffle with my hair. I shot up out of my seat, separating us with a good meter and a half.

"Don't ever come that close to me or the next time ill hex you"

I was angry, but mostly with myself for nor reacting quicker. My chest was aching and it was all my fault, because I letting him affect me like this. I growled in frustration. He just smirked, amused by my reaction. It was so hurtful that my pain was funny to him. I can't believe I let him have the satisfaction of winding me up. I sat back down, he sat on the table.

"So what hex would you use?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Next time you said you were going to hex me. So what hex would you use?" he pushed.

"Well you'll find out next time then, won't you" I said frustrated, opening up all the useful books for the session.

"Should we try it out now?" he teased.

"I thought we were meant to be studying potions, But ok if you want to stay in the hospital wing for a good few months go ahead" I challenged.

"Feisty"

"Arrogant" I said under my breath, but he heard.

"See and I was beginning to think we were friends" he folded his arms on his chest smiling. He was openly playing with me.

"I don't think your Christina would like us being friends." Stupid, so stupid, I sounded like a jealous girlfriend.

"Should we just get started" I pleaded weakly.

"I don't think your Saishan, would like you tutoring me. Or me giving you all this attention." he said annoyed, smirking. If I didn't know better I would say he was jealous.

"I don't want your attention. In fact just pretend I don't exist and we could stop this whole tutoring thing and I can get on with my life" I suggested.

I was tired of playing these games. I was being suffocated by this stupid one sided love. I needed to get out.

"Do you really dislike me that much" he challenged.

"I don't know you to dislike you, but you are awfully annoying. And I don't understand why we are here in the first place"

"Yes that is a dilemma" he pretended to think.

"Should we get started?" I sighted

"Do you want to get to know me?" Why was he doing this to me?

"No" I tried to sound confident but my voice was cracking.

"Now say that and look me in the eyes" he moved his face closer looking into my eyes.

"No" I said more shakily, only a blind person wouldn't see that I was lying. He chuckled.

"Well I want to get to know you"

"Why?" I was confused, why was he playing with me. He had Christina, wasn't that enough.

"If I tell you id have to kill you" he whispered as if telling me a secret.

"Well I don't want you to get to know me. I don't think you in the right frame of mind to study today lets postpone this until the next Friday. I wrote a list of things I want you to try out and read over..." I handed him the list

"...and if you need help with the essay professor Donaldson assigned I will be here at 5pm on Wednesday. Good night" I gathered my things and tried to walk pass him.

"Wait I'll walk you" he took the books out of my hands and started walking.

"Thank you but I think I can manage myself" I tried to get my books but he was twisting out of my attempts.

"You must be the first girl in this school who doesn't want me to walk her" he laughed.

"Well you should have no trouble finding someone to walk to their dorm then right." I abandoned the idea of trying to get my books and just let him walk me. It felt warm being near him. I just tried not to let my guard down, not to allow myself to hope again.

"Well I want to walk you." Something inside snapped, he said it so softly my heart started drumming again.

"I heard you want to be a healer" he said

"And you a professional Quidditch player"

"See we are getting to know each other" he was grinning like a kid.

"I just stated a mere fact you can find in any newspaper"

We reached my chamber. I took my books from his strong grip and was about to say goodnight when he pinned me down to the wall. His face was inches from mine. I could smell him feel him, it was mind blowing. It was euphoric. I can't describe this feeling it must be what heaven feels like. His green emerald eyes were shining so bright it was blinding. I forgot about everything and everyone. I would give anything and everything away to stay in this moment forever.

"I'm not stupid I can see you like me but you are just fighting with yourself. Why did you create a prejudice about me without, how you clearly pointed out, knowing me. Maybe everything you heard and read is not true and I'm someone worth getting to know. Just think about that. And by the way me and Christina are just friends. Goodnight"

And he left.

_Hello everyone!!!!_

_Thank you to all who's been reading my story. I don't get many reviews so it's hard for me to know if anyone actually likes it. I mean I know it's not perfect and my chapters are not frequent and there are many mistakes. But if you tell me that it's very very crap I will stop writing it. I haven't finished it. I have an idea and I write chapter by chapter. The ending is already done but if there is something you want to find out or add to the story please tell me. Ok sorry for going on and on. _

_Please review and thanx for reading _

_Byeeeeeee _

_xxxxxxx_


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